Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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