I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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