she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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