I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
