Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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