the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
