I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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