just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
