Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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