Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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