Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
