I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
