i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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