I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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