it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
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To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
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I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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