I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
