The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
