The maid of honor just puked.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
