Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
