dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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