In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
