I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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