he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
