how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
don't judge my taste in strippers
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
