ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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