I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
