I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
