I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
