It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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