nut hugger
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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