Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
