I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
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Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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