Is it because I queefed?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she told me i tasted like america
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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