im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
