Little spoons don't ask big questions
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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