Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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