I just cut my nipple shaving
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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