Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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