sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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