Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
