Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
