I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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