Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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