if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
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