I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
