I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
