I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
