At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
