capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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