When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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