apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
