Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
