How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
