I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
