I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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