Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
