The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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