I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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