I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
