there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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