I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
