Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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