I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
