I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have demons in me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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