After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
