Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
