I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
