God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
