i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
