So drunk its hurt
She said her name was "party"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
