I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
